False empathy or lack of it

How others react when you tell them about your life, especially troubles, determines, for me, the whole relationship.

Lack of empathy is as painfull as overreaction. One lady knew I had an illness in the family.  I’ve told her things were getting better. Once I’ve met here when I had a great day. She told me: “You MUST feel terrible”. The day was ruined.

Other people surprised me when reacted to a simple change in my life with many “I am so sorry” remarks. I like change and normally really look forward to it. Why feeling sorry for me if I am mostly happy? Are they sorry that their image of me and what they tell about me to other people is changing, in reality?

Then once in a while you tell a friend that your child was ill and her first reaction would be to blame you and the second – to remember somebody else‘s child who suffered for years and then died. How conciderate!

Sometime I hear “It is your decision”, “you know better” but I feel they really mean “I wouldn’t do that” or “on this occasion I allow you to make a fool of yourself”. I wish people were more honest.

And I feel like keeping away from all these people. It is just self preservation. I don’t want to feel misunderstood, looked down at or even hurt again.

Fortunately many people I know are reacting in an adequate way: offer hope, support, useful advice and help – if needed. Nothing else is required!

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