How others react when you tell them about your life, especially troubles, determines, for me, the whole relationship.
Lack of empathy is as painfull as overreaction. One lady knew I had an illness in the family. I’ve told her things were getting better. Once I’ve met here when I had a great day. She told me: “You MUST feel terrible”. The day was ruined.
Other people surprised me when reacted to a simple change in my life with many “I am so sorry” remarks. I like change and normally really look forward to it. Why feeling sorry for me if I am mostly happy? Are they sorry that their image of me and what they tell about me to other people is changing, in reality?
Then once in a while you tell a friend that your child was ill and her first reaction would be to blame you and the second – to remember somebody else‘s child who suffered for years and then died. How conciderate!
Sometime I hear “It is your decision”, “you know better” but I feel they really mean “I wouldn’t do that” or “on this occasion I allow you to make a fool of yourself”. I wish people were more honest.
And I feel like keeping away from all these people. It is just self preservation. I don’t want to feel misunderstood, looked down at or even hurt again.
Fortunately many people I know are reacting in an adequate way: offer hope, support, useful advice and help – if needed. Nothing else is required!